Champions League Player Ratings: Leicester City 0-5 FC Porto

Last night, for the first time since Claudio Ranieri was appointed, it was embarrassing to be a Leicester City fan, as they were thrashed 5-0 by a Porto side superior in every aspect.

Okay, we can lose. But not in this way. My players lost a very great chance to show me their best - Claudio Ranieri

Let’s be honest, you don't want to read this and I don't want to write about it, but it might help us both to get through it so I’ll be as brief as I can. I’ve included a timeline of quotes to show how long Fosse Posse morale held out over the 90 minutes.

Ben Hamer - 4

I was getting a bit tired of saying ‘he conceded but didn't really do anything wrong’ so the club helped out and picked Hamer. He set up the first goal by dropping a simple catch for a corner, then finished it off by not diving for it at all.

Luis Hernandez - 3

Not a right back, it turns out. Brahimi did what he wanted.

Ben Chilwell - 5

This might surprise you, but the teenager led the team and the game for combined tackles and interceptions. He was just overrun and outmatched down the left. Maybe he should get a Premier League debut before his next Champions League match, eh?

I'm kind of excited to see Chilwell, Mendy, and Gray all play - Michael Franca, pre-kickoff

Wes Morgan - 6

The problem with being a defender is that it doesn't really matter what you do. Morgan was fine (not great, but fine) but when everyone else is bad there’s nothing he can do.

Marcin Wasilewski - 4

Michael Keane for £20m suddenly sounds like an absolute steal. Big Was couldn't mark his man and completed a team low 50% of his passes.

Jeff Schlupp - 3

Not only do we persist in playing Schlupp, he keeps starting on the right, which completely negates his only talent, not that he did any better on the left. For a former defender, he sure is a defensive liability.

Does Jeff know where he is? - Shane Evans, 9 minutes

Danny Drinkwater - 6

Drinky is probably the only player looking anything like as good as last year. The problem is that, as important an accessory player as he is, it’s evident he’s not a match winner, or we’d be winning some matches.

Nampalys Mendy - 3

I hope he’s not fit yet. Completed nearly 90% of his passes, but had less touches than Drinkwater (obviously), Okazaki, Gray, Chilwell, Morgan, Hernandez, Hamer (!) or 45 minutes of Ulloa.

Poor Copenhagen. I genuinely feel bad for them - Jamie Umbach, 35 minutes

Demarai Gray - 5

Gray had more shots than anyone else and when he’s on the ball he at least looks capable of doing something good. That’s as far as it went though and he didn’t actually do anything good.

Ahmed Musa - 3

Not his fault, really. He’s very fast, you play him in just like Vardy, it’s quite simple. His teammates looked like they’d been told Ulloa was starting and never really checked.

Honestly, I think they should just fly home for the second half. Get the white flags - Cassandra Dubiel, half time.

Shinji Okazaki - 5

His touch and link-up play just weren’t at their usual level. That’s probably because he had no one to link up with, but as one of very few regulars to play, he really needed to do more than he did. Didn’t register a shot in 90 minutes.

Leo Ulloa - 4

He got on the ball plenty and even had two shots. He also gave the ball away an alarming amount and was regularly dispossessed. This is not his level.

Really wish it was socially acceptable to have a drink at my place of employment - Josh Deboer, 65 minutes

Marc Albrighton - 5

It took about 15 minutes for me to realise we’d actually made a second half time substitution. In the context of this game, I think that’s a positive for Albrighton, who was never noticeably awful.

Harvey Barnes - 5

What a match for a professional debut. He made a couple of tackles and completed all of his passes.

In summary: oh god, make it stop, please make it stop.

No Man of the Match because, come on, seriously.