We’ve been at home for a week or more now. We’ve managed Hinckley United to European glory in FM20. All the alcopops are long since gone and we’re looking longingly at the commemorative “Salt & Victory” bag of Walker’s crisps, thinking that they must surely taste better than yet another packet of ramen.
Quarantine with no football isn’t hell, but you can see it from there.
So, with the lack of genuine football news to report and the weirdness that inevitably comes from enforced social isolation, we’re required to make do. Sometimes, that means reaching deep inside oneself and writing the article of a lifetime, something that reaches the germ of humanity in all of us and brings us together in these strange times of isolation and fear.
This is not that article. This is an attempt to match five Leicester City stars to their ideal pokémon. I’m not 100% sure why I thought this would be a good idea last night, but here we go anyway!
Leicester Star: Jamie Vardy
Pikachu is, without question, the most-popular and recognizable pokémon. They even made a biography based on his life where he was played by Ryan Reynolds (who also starred in the Deadpool bio!). My understanding is that they’re going to be making a Jamie Vardy movie, too. “5000 to 1: The million to one story of Jamie Vardy”. Also, Vardy is very fast and pikachu is a lightning...mouse? So, that sort of fits, right?
Leicester Star: Ayoze Perez
This one’s easy! Jigglypuff is the singing pokémon who always puts everyone to sleep when they sing. Ayoze’s goal celebration is putting his fingers in his ears (and looking very happy about it, too). Jigglypuff wouldn’t put Ayoze to sleep, and I’m sure Ayoze wouldn’t kick jigglypuff into the back of the net even though they sort of look like a football with weird hair. Ayoze wouldn’t do a thing like that.
Leicester Star: Ricardo Pereira
I asked some kids who know a lot about pokémon “Which pokémon is the best?” A lot of them said “eevee” and I get that because eevee can do everything and still be super-cute. Ricardo is a lot like that. He’s a good attacker, he’s a good defender, and he’s our best player. I don’t think he can turn into water form, fire form, or lightning form, but I wouldn’t put it past him!
Leicester Star: Kasper Schmeichel
Wow, this is hard. It turns out Leicester City players and pokémon really aren’t alike in any way. Who could possibly have guessed that? Anyway, Kasper is really fiery and charmander is a fire pokémon (you can tell because they have fire on their tail) and charmander has the same kind of attitude that Schmeichel does when Jon Moss is refereeing a match. Is that a reach? Look, I said this was hard.
Leicester Star: Wilfred Ndidi
Wilfred Ndidi is like bulbasaur because...man, I don’t know. I really like bulbasaur and I really like Ndidi. That’ll have to do. I’m trying to compare top-rank professional athletes to characters from a poorly-drawn children’s show from decades ago. I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea. Bulbasaur’s awesome, and Leicester don’t win without Ndidi.
Wasn’t that fun? Now it’s your turn!
Which Leicester City player/pokémon combination do you like the best?
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